Ask, Search, Knock

Ask, Search, Knock
Pentecost 7; Luke 11:1-13
Ask and it will be given you!
While I was still a child,
I was drawn to words, 
music and performance,
so, as a young woman,
I asked to be a singer,
and that was given to me, 
but there’s another saying:
Be careful what you wish for,
 you might get it.

The door to singing 
opened into loving,
both the ill-starred kind
that closed my throat
with tension and tears,
and the kinder kind that led
to marriage and motherhood,
a door that opened unexpectedly,
though I don’t remember knocking,
and a door that closed gradually
on the would-be singer.

Having found the gift
had been overtaken by life,
I began a search
for the meaning of me,
beginning with words 
both studied and written.
I found the living Word
and a door opened in me
through which I heard a voice calling.
I began to write poetry once more
and journeyed further into Scripture
which seemed a rainbow arch
that promised a pot of God,
although always moving onward
as my search drew nearer.

I found and went on finding
that neither the meaning
of God or of me
is contained in any pot,
nor can be pinned down
any more than the rainbow,
which forms when the light
is refracted by raindrops,
or in the case of God
by the rays of insight
passing through clouds
into awe-filled sight. 

Knock and the door will be opened!”
And so it was,
although sometimes doors opened
for a period of time,
and closed gently behind me
when the room became cramped,
or I had worn out
my inner welcome.
I went through what opened
and didn’t look back.
Once I heard God say,
in that small amused voice:
“I call in the opening
and closing of doors.”

Sometimes it’s a matter of timing –
the front door that was closed
swings open at last
if the knocking persists.
Thus, a door finally opened
and I stepped into the priesthood,
late and with some reluctance
on both sides.

There at last I find
the evolving meaning of me and God.
Singer and wordsmith are reborn
not into churchiness personified,
not in the mould
I was formation-ed to fill,
but in the coming together 
of the parts of me,
opening into what I become
in the rainbow light of God 
which is multi-hued and elusive,
appearing at times through clouds
or beyond an opening door
when I ask, search, knock.
	Barbara Messner 23/07/2025